Gone Forever
by Nitrofrost2
Summary: All the times he abused his Seeker, he lost a part of himself.  If only he could change the past, but it's too late for that and now he must live with his idiotic actions from the past.  There's no way he could forgive him now that he's gone forever. yaoi


Gone Forever

Summary: All the times he abused his Seeker, he lost a part of himself... If only he could change the past... But it's too late for that and now the tyrant must live with his idiotic actions from the past... There's no way his lover could forgive him now that he's gone... Forever. Yaoi.

This came to me while listening to Diary of Jane by Breaking Benjamin on repeat. I'm surprised the idea didn't come to me earlier :P Well whatevs. I'm having a blast in Cali! XD Oh ya... This is yaoi so if you don't like, don't read! Kay? I think that's pretty reasonable huh? *nudge* Well enjoy!

Starscream... Why did you leave me... I loved you with all my spark... This tyrant actually loved you... Can you believe that? Well, I couldn't believe I fell for such lowly feelings... It felt good though... To know I was loved and that you returned those feelings... My processor still can't comprehend the fact that you're gone... You've left a hole in my spark... When you offlined it was like a bomb went off in my spark and shattered it into a million shards...

Why did you leave me... Why did you offline... Your last words haunt me in my dreams and every day I live without you...

As you looked me in the optics, your own plasma cannon targeting your spark, you said with a genuine smile _"This is for your own good Megatron. With me gone, you won't need to be sidetracked by love... Goodbye... I love you..."... _With that you shot yourself as I growled out curses to the stars. I ran to your side and begged for you to stay with me... You didn't want to... You said I'd be better without you... But what you didn't know was that it would permanently scar me..

I loved you... So much that nothing could compare.. Now as I lay in our berth, now, which is mine, I can't stop the tears from flowing... I never have cried in my life... But the day you left... The day I learned what you were doing, I became something different...

At this moment, I don't care if the Autobots are attacking... I only have one thing on my processor... You.

I still remember the days we fought with each other... You told me that this love would be the end of you... Your last love... And you were more than right my dear... I wonder if you are happy that you left... Did I do something wrong and hurt you which compelled you to leave?

I know we sometimes fought physically and I remember the scars I caused... They are clear in the image I see of you in my mind... Your beautiful wings dented and covered in dried energon blood... Wires torn and ripped from your chest, arms, and legs... Your always beautiful face is covered in energon as well and your left optic is shattered from the punches I delivered to your face... You lay on the ground, beaten, your spark broken from our fights.. Why does this have to be the image I see when I think of you now that you're gone?

Why did we fight? I know some days we fought over who was the better leader... I would always prove superior in brute strength, but you were the one who came up with the better plans... If only I had listened to you... Then maybe we could have beaten the Autobots...

But the enemy is the least of my concerns as of now... I plan to find out what caused you to want to leave... If only there was a way I could...

I offline my optics and my thoughts drift to joining you in the matrix... If I was to offline myself, I could be with you and then I could have the answers I need... I could fix things right then and there!

But no... I can't leave. If I offlined myself I'd be leaving my army and everything I've fought so hard for... Who would lead my army? It would be chaos and I would change everything.. At the moment, leaving isn't an option. I can only learn to survive in this cruel world with no love... There isn't any love for me now... Not until the day I offline and join you in the matrix..

Until that day comes, I wait with my spark ready for the day when we are reunited and I finally find the answer I've been seeking.

I hear a knock at my door. I'm too caught inside my sorrow to get up and answer. If it's someone of higher rank they'll let themselves in.

The door opens and Shockwave enters. His single yellow optic was glowing brightly, lighting up the room a little bit.

"Lord Megatron, are you alright? You've been locked inside your quarters for over ten cycles... You haven't even refueled on energon this entire time either..." Shockwave explained.

He sounded concerned and worried about me... Did he care? At this moment I felt so fragile, like if I was touched I would break down and cry... I couldn't do that in front of one of my subordinates... I was a role model to them and couldn't show any sign of weakness...

Shockwave sat down beside me as I laid on my berth. He gazed down at me and I saw care in his optics... I was surprised.

I looked up at him, my optics covered in tears. He began stroking my cheek with a single, gentle servo. I remained still. I didn't care, all I wanted was some comfort in all the sorrow I was in...

Shockwave continued to stroke me as I moved my head into his lap. I laid there as tears threatened to fall.

I wondered if Starscream would like the sight of me broken... Like I had left him many times before... Broken, beaten... I now knew exactly how he felt to be betrayed by his love so many times... Why did I ever hurt you my love... I'm so sorry...

That's when I cracked. The tears came fast and I sobbed hard... I still didn't care...

Shockwave wrapped his arms around me and held me comfortingly. He stroked my back gently and whispered comforting words into my ear finial. This was the first time I'd been comforted at all since I lost Starscream... Maybe there was still some love in this world I lived in...

"He's gone... He left because I was too hard on him... I can't believe I was such a fraggin' fool! Why did I have to be so cruel to that angel? I'm a monster... Why... Why?" I cried into Shockwave's chest.

He listened and held me close, it made me feel safe. It felt good to finally let my feelings out. I wouldn't have been able to hold them in any longer.

This was how Starscream felt... Every time I beat him, after every time I abused his body... He had these feelings... He felt like I didn't care... Now I felt the same... I was such an idiot... I wish I could change the past to make things right with my love, but it's too late and now I must live with my actions... I'm so sorry my love... For everything I did to hurt you... I hope that one day, when we meet again, you will find the spark to forgive me... Only now have I realized that over this time, I was the fool... Not you for falling for me... I'm so stupid my love... Forgive me, please... I beg you now...

If I get enough reviews and love for this story, I will write a sequel so this is kinda like a preview then... XD Well, please review and stuff and be nice okay? I'm only a little 13 year old girl Transfan who hates when people are mean so please be nice... Anyway... I'm stuck in California at the moment and had been surrounded by NEST soldiers so maybe I'll explain that later... Unless you want me to keep you from reading other stuff... Lol.


End file.
